He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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