My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
