You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize