and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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