I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
