I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
