I think I died a long time ago.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
