If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
