I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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