Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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