HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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