he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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