Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
