I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
