She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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