my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
