I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
