You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
