So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
