Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
