I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
