barbara walters just said penis...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think a kid would responsible me up
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
