A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
