Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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