Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
