Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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