I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
