glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
