If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
