i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
