You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
