you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize