Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
