So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
