i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
