Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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