ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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