went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
