I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
