just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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