the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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