Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize