ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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