Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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