My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
