So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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