9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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