Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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