Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
