man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
