I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
