he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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