Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
