So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't notice because vodka
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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