you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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