Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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