Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
