But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
