If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
