bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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