Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You pole danced in your parka.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
