doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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