Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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