you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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