I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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