Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
