Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
