Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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