hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
