According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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