U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
