How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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