Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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