these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
