Do you still have your period?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
