It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
